Monday, 14 April 2008
Monday, 31 March 2008
'Too much, too young'
2008 - so my friend died all those years ago and I miss her still.
I have written this blog for her, to record her life in the way I remember it.
I looked up her children on the 'friends reunited' website. I didn't try to contact them, I just read what they were up to. They are men now; have left home, have got on with their lives.
I wonder how they remember their mother. I hope they don't judge her harshly. She was just so young when she married.
'Too much, too young'
I have written this blog for her, to record her life in the way I remember it.
I looked up her children on the 'friends reunited' website. I didn't try to contact them, I just read what they were up to. They are men now; have left home, have got on with their lives.
I wonder how they remember their mother. I hope they don't judge her harshly. She was just so young when she married.
'Too much, too young'
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog- next to Trebah Garden is Glendurgan Garden.
It is a long time since I have been there but I recall that its gardens, like Trebah, also roll down to a beach on the Helford River.
In the garden is a maze for the children to enjoy.
Glendurgan is one of several gardens run by the National Trust in Cornwall. I think I have been to most of them and they are all worth a visit.
When visiting National Trust gardens don't forget to visit their tearooms - the National Trust do sell such nice cakes!
It is a long time since I have been there but I recall that its gardens, like Trebah, also roll down to a beach on the Helford River.
In the garden is a maze for the children to enjoy.
Glendurgan is one of several gardens run by the National Trust in Cornwall. I think I have been to most of them and they are all worth a visit.
When visiting National Trust gardens don't forget to visit their tearooms - the National Trust do sell such nice cakes!
'Too much, too young'
June 1996 - after the funeral we all went back to Elaine and Paul's house.
The main thing I remember about it was that it seemed full of children - children belonging to friends and family, Paul's children and, not that I was able to recognize them as I hadn't seen them for years, Elaine's children.
Their father was there somewhere. I wonder what he made of it all. The man who had never forgiven his young wife for falling in love with someone else and leaving him to his anger and bitterness.
I wonder if he has forgiven her now, in 2008. I wonder.
The main thing I remember about it was that it seemed full of children - children belonging to friends and family, Paul's children and, not that I was able to recognize them as I hadn't seen them for years, Elaine's children.
Their father was there somewhere. I wonder what he made of it all. The man who had never forgiven his young wife for falling in love with someone else and leaving him to his anger and bitterness.
I wonder if he has forgiven her now, in 2008. I wonder.
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - opposite the Lizard Peninsula, near the village of Mawnan Smith, are the lovely gardens of Trebah.
The garden rolls down a valley and onto a beach. At end of the garden is a tribute to the American soldiers who left from this beach to fight on the beaches at Omaha on D-Day. There is more information about what happened to them on signs attached to the small building on the beach.
It was Omaha beach where the film 'Saving Private Ryan' was set. The American soldiers suffered terrible casualties; the enemy had been waiting for them.
It must have been strange - disembarking from such a beautiful spot as Trebah and ending up in the hell-hole of destruction which was Omaha beach.
Strange and very sad.
The garden rolls down a valley and onto a beach. At end of the garden is a tribute to the American soldiers who left from this beach to fight on the beaches at Omaha on D-Day. There is more information about what happened to them on signs attached to the small building on the beach.
It was Omaha beach where the film 'Saving Private Ryan' was set. The American soldiers suffered terrible casualties; the enemy had been waiting for them.
It must have been strange - disembarking from such a beautiful spot as Trebah and ending up in the hell-hole of destruction which was Omaha beach.
Strange and very sad.
'Too much. too young'
June 1996 - the funeral was on a hot summer day.
We got lost on the way to the crematorium. Round and round loads of roundabouts.
By the time we got there the place was packed. I'd never seen a funeral so overflowing with people. But, then again, I'd never been to the funeral of someone who was only 34.
I can't remember what the minister said. Lots of things.
In June 1978 my friend Elaine and I had broken away from school and started our lives out in the world. Now it was a hot June day 18 years later and she was gone.
I felt sick.
We got lost on the way to the crematorium. Round and round loads of roundabouts.
By the time we got there the place was packed. I'd never seen a funeral so overflowing with people. But, then again, I'd never been to the funeral of someone who was only 34.
I can't remember what the minister said. Lots of things.
In June 1978 my friend Elaine and I had broken away from school and started our lives out in the world. Now it was a hot June day 18 years later and she was gone.
I felt sick.
Monday, 10 March 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - the Seal Sanctuary is on the Helford River.
It is a beautiful river. It has a little foot ferry which takes you from one side to the other; from Helford to Helford Passage.
If you are at Helford and you want the ferry you need to 'call' it. You do this by turning the sign around to the right colour so the boatman can see you from the other shore.
Don't forget!
It is a beautiful river. It has a little foot ferry which takes you from one side to the other; from Helford to Helford Passage.
If you are at Helford and you want the ferry you need to 'call' it. You do this by turning the sign around to the right colour so the boatman can see you from the other shore.
Don't forget!
'Too much, too young'
June 1996 - so my friend went home.
I took an afternoon off work to go and see her. It was June, it was hot.
I was shocked by what I found in her house. I don't know why, I suppose I expected her to be sitting up and chatting as she had been in the hospice. But she wasn't.
She was lying on a 'hospital trolley' type bed in her living room. The curtains were drawn to keep out the bright June sunshine. She was asleep. She did not wake up whilst I was there.
A carer from the hospice was sitting with Elaine. We went in the kitchen to make a drink and she told me the hospice ran a rota of volunteers who would sit with terminally ill patients in their homes when family and friends were not available. She said the volunteers were mainly people who had seen their relatives die of cancer and who knew how much offers of help were needed at such times.
The kindness of strangers.
I took an afternoon off work to go and see her. It was June, it was hot.
I was shocked by what I found in her house. I don't know why, I suppose I expected her to be sitting up and chatting as she had been in the hospice. But she wasn't.
She was lying on a 'hospital trolley' type bed in her living room. The curtains were drawn to keep out the bright June sunshine. She was asleep. She did not wake up whilst I was there.
A carer from the hospice was sitting with Elaine. We went in the kitchen to make a drink and she told me the hospice ran a rota of volunteers who would sit with terminally ill patients in their homes when family and friends were not available. She said the volunteers were mainly people who had seen their relatives die of cancer and who knew how much offers of help were needed at such times.
The kindness of strangers.
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - the Seal Sanctuary at Gweek is a fascinating place.
The staff care for a number of seals, maybe a dozen, who are not able to be returned to the wild. Although it may sound a bit twee, some of the seals are real 'characters'.
When we first went there a seal called 'Scooby' ruled the roost. He was one of the ugliest looking seals you were ever likely to see, his face battered from some bad encounter with some rocks, or maybe a boat, before he came to the Sanctuary. But what he lacked in looks he made up for in personality, splashing the water with his paw (or is it 'fin' or 'arm'?!) to get the staff to feed him first.
Such was his fame that when he died the local paper ran a story about him.
He was a celebrity seal!
The staff care for a number of seals, maybe a dozen, who are not able to be returned to the wild. Although it may sound a bit twee, some of the seals are real 'characters'.
When we first went there a seal called 'Scooby' ruled the roost. He was one of the ugliest looking seals you were ever likely to see, his face battered from some bad encounter with some rocks, or maybe a boat, before he came to the Sanctuary. But what he lacked in looks he made up for in personality, splashing the water with his paw (or is it 'fin' or 'arm'?!) to get the staff to feed him first.
Such was his fame that when he died the local paper ran a story about him.
He was a celebrity seal!
'Too much, too young'
Spring 1996 - during the visit the Consultant arrived. He was a tall and imposing man in a suit. Most of them seem to be.
He talked and laughed with Elaine. It was very relaxed. Then he asked her if she wanted to stay in the hospice or if she wanted to go home.
Elaine looked straight at him, she knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to go home.
He said he would sort it out with the hospice, arrange with them for carers to be available to stay with her when her family and friends could not be around. She thanked him. He went away.
She got her wish. She would go home.
For the last time.
He talked and laughed with Elaine. It was very relaxed. Then he asked her if she wanted to stay in the hospice or if she wanted to go home.
Elaine looked straight at him, she knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to go home.
He said he would sort it out with the hospice, arrange with them for carers to be available to stay with her when her family and friends could not be around. She thanked him. He went away.
She got her wish. She would go home.
For the last time.
Monday, 11 February 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - I know I have mentioned the Lizard before but I went to Lizard 'Point' again yesterday.
It was a beautiful cold February afternoon. The sun bounced off the sea and beautiful white waves crashed against the rocks.
The cafe was open for half term and the view as we ate our cream teas was fantastic.
Go there!
It was a beautiful cold February afternoon. The sun bounced off the sea and beautiful white waves crashed against the rocks.
The cafe was open for half term and the view as we ate our cream teas was fantastic.
Go there!
'Too much, too young'
Spring 1996 - whilst we were all sitting around her bed I noticed that Elaine's elderly father looked very thin and pale.
When I went outside for some fresh air Paul told me that her dad had just been diagnosed with cancer. It was very far gone, there was little the doctors could do.
Her dad did not want anyone to tell Elaine about his illness. He didn't want to upset her.
So she never knew.
When I went outside for some fresh air Paul told me that her dad had just been diagnosed with cancer. It was very far gone, there was little the doctors could do.
Her dad did not want anyone to tell Elaine about his illness. He didn't want to upset her.
So she never knew.
Thursday, 7 February 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - Goonhilly is a very interesting place. It is a satellite station with huge dishes named after participants in the Camelot legend like Arthur and Lancelot and Guinevere.
It is open to the public and the tours are well worth a try. I have heard that BT are closing the place and moving their operations elsewhere.
So go while you can.
It is open to the public and the tours are well worth a try. I have heard that BT are closing the place and moving their operations elsewhere.
So go while you can.
'Too much, too young'
Spring 1996 - the hospice was very different from the concrete edifice of the hospital in Hammersmith.
Set in the grounds of a hospital in Hertfordshire it was all on one level, with small wards and pretty landscaping outside. It was a reassuring place rather than a frightening one.
The day I went to see Elaine she was surrounded by her family - her mum, her dad, her sister, Paul. She was lying in bed and she looked a lot slimmer and so much better than she had done in the hosptial. The steroids had now left her system and she looked like her old self.
I recall someone telling me that Elaine's children had been to see her, although I'm not sure if they both came.
I hope they did.
Set in the grounds of a hospital in Hertfordshire it was all on one level, with small wards and pretty landscaping outside. It was a reassuring place rather than a frightening one.
The day I went to see Elaine she was surrounded by her family - her mum, her dad, her sister, Paul. She was lying in bed and she looked a lot slimmer and so much better than she had done in the hosptial. The steroids had now left her system and she looked like her old self.
I recall someone telling me that Elaine's children had been to see her, although I'm not sure if they both came.
I hope they did.
Monday, 4 February 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travel0g - at Roskilly's they make and sell a delicious marmalade called 'three fruits'. They also make a date and orange chutney which goes well with many cheeses especially 'cornish yarg'
I remember reading somewhere that the person who invented 'yarg' named it by using the letters from his own name. His name is 'Gary'.
I wonder if that's true?
I remember reading somewhere that the person who invented 'yarg' named it by using the letters from his own name. His name is 'Gary'.
I wonder if that's true?
'Too much, too young'
1996 - a doctor came and sat by the bed. She told Elaine she could arrange for her to be transferred to a hospice near to her home in Hertfordshire. Did Elaine want to go?
Elaine became very clear and lucid. Yes, she did want to go. Please could the doctor arrange it as soon as possible.
So it hit me then, as it had never hit me before. My oldest friend was going to a hospice. All treatments had been tried, all hope was gone.
She was 34.
Elaine became very clear and lucid. Yes, she did want to go. Please could the doctor arrange it as soon as possible.
So it hit me then, as it had never hit me before. My oldest friend was going to a hospice. All treatments had been tried, all hope was gone.
She was 34.
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - on the east side of the Lizard Peninsula is Roskilly's which is a working farm with a craft shop and a tea room/cafe and walks and self-catering.
It has a very interesting 'Croust House' which sells a big range of delicious ice-cream and fabulous jams, chutneys and marmalade.
The flavours of the ice cream change. My favourite is coconut. When that is available I am one very happy person.
Very happy indeed!
It has a very interesting 'Croust House' which sells a big range of delicious ice-cream and fabulous jams, chutneys and marmalade.
The flavours of the ice cream change. My favourite is coconut. When that is available I am one very happy person.
Very happy indeed!
'Too much, too young'
1996 - the hospital was difficult to find, the roundabouts and over-passes of Hammersmith confused me as I struggled to find my way from the tube. I remember the hospital being tall like an office block. I wonder if it was.
I arrived between visitors. Elaine looked dreadful. She was very disorientated but she knew it was me. She kept saying she wanted to write to her aunt. Her fingers were too swollen for her to use a pen.
I asked her what had happened. She didn't know, she kept saying her GP had done something or not done something. She was confused but every now and again she'd be very lucid. She pointed up to a 'get well' card which Paul's ex-wife had sent her. Elaine found it strange and rather marvellous that Paul's ex-wife had managed to forgive her for falling in love with her husband and stealing him away from her. But time had passed, she had forgiven her.
Unlike Elaine's husband. He never forgave Elaine for leaving him.
I arrived between visitors. Elaine looked dreadful. She was very disorientated but she knew it was me. She kept saying she wanted to write to her aunt. Her fingers were too swollen for her to use a pen.
I asked her what had happened. She didn't know, she kept saying her GP had done something or not done something. She was confused but every now and again she'd be very lucid. She pointed up to a 'get well' card which Paul's ex-wife had sent her. Elaine found it strange and rather marvellous that Paul's ex-wife had managed to forgive her for falling in love with her husband and stealing him away from her. But time had passed, she had forgiven her.
Unlike Elaine's husband. He never forgave Elaine for leaving him.
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - a beautiful spot on the Lizard Peninsula is Kynance Cove.
It has a beautiful beach, although the walk down is a bit tricky. Make sure you know your tides before you go. You want it going out as only then can you really appreciate the beautiful rocky outcrops on the beach. When it comes back in the beach gets eaten away and the bathers have to go elsewhere.
The walk along the coastal cliff path from Kynance Cove to the Lizard is not too long and is very beautiful. Walk it.
It has a beautiful beach, although the walk down is a bit tricky. Make sure you know your tides before you go. You want it going out as only then can you really appreciate the beautiful rocky outcrops on the beach. When it comes back in the beach gets eaten away and the bathers have to go elsewhere.
The walk along the coastal cliff path from Kynance Cove to the Lizard is not too long and is very beautiful. Walk it.
'Too much, too young'
1996 - I got home from work and my boyfriend looked very worried.
He said Paul had rang earlier in the day to say that Elaine had taken a bad turn and had been admitted to a specialist cancer unit in a Hammersmith hospital. He left the details in case I wanted to go and see her.
I went the very next day.
He said Paul had rang earlier in the day to say that Elaine had taken a bad turn and had been admitted to a specialist cancer unit in a Hammersmith hospital. He left the details in case I wanted to go and see her.
I went the very next day.
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - when I was young some years we would come to Cornwall for our fortnight's holiday. It always seemed to be sunny but it can't have been.
As part of our two week ritual one day we would drive down the Lizard, to the very end. For some reason I always seemed to get car sick.
Returning as a adult I realized why I got car sick. The road down to the tip of the Lizard is very windy and even as an adult sitting in the front seat the journey still makes me feel a bit green - no wonder I felt a lot worse as a small person sitting in the back sit.
But I haven't let it put me off. The Lizard is well worth a visit, it is a beautiful headland. The last time I went, on a clear autumn day, there were a couple of seals to be seen enjoying frolics on the rocks by the old lifeboat shelter.
Just a shame (although understandable as it was November!) that the cafe was closed.
As part of our two week ritual one day we would drive down the Lizard, to the very end. For some reason I always seemed to get car sick.
Returning as a adult I realized why I got car sick. The road down to the tip of the Lizard is very windy and even as an adult sitting in the front seat the journey still makes me feel a bit green - no wonder I felt a lot worse as a small person sitting in the back sit.
But I haven't let it put me off. The Lizard is well worth a visit, it is a beautiful headland. The last time I went, on a clear autumn day, there were a couple of seals to be seen enjoying frolics on the rocks by the old lifeboat shelter.
Just a shame (although understandable as it was November!) that the cafe was closed.
'Too much, too young'
1996 - Elaine rang and suggested we meet up. She thought her eldest son was interested in following a legal career and she wanted some advice from me about how he could get on to the road of being a solicitor.
I went up to see her on my day off. It was a lovely sunny afternoon. I was shocked by her appearance. She was very fat, her slimness temporarily taken away by a new concotion of steroids. She also told me she had put herself forward for some more experimental treatments in the hope they would do some good.
We had a long chat and I gave her some pointers about how Jack could pursue a legal career, like I had done. We said goodbye in the sunshine at the railway station.
I never saw her standing up again.
I went up to see her on my day off. It was a lovely sunny afternoon. I was shocked by her appearance. She was very fat, her slimness temporarily taken away by a new concotion of steroids. She also told me she had put herself forward for some more experimental treatments in the hope they would do some good.
We had a long chat and I gave her some pointers about how Jack could pursue a legal career, like I had done. We said goodbye in the sunshine at the railway station.
I never saw her standing up again.
Friday, 25 January 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - Porthleven is an interesting place, just down from Helston on the coast. I particularly like one of their cafes - a tea shop which sells delicious 'Roskillys' ice-cream - I think there is only one cafe which sells this ice-cream so you are bound to find it. You can sit outside watching the harbour and eating your cone.
They also do a tasty date slice - I love date slices. I use to work in the vegetarian cafe in London called 'Cranks' many years ago and they made the most delicious date slices. A perk of the job was to be able to take some home after work.
Now that was a good job.
They also do a tasty date slice - I love date slices. I use to work in the vegetarian cafe in London called 'Cranks' many years ago and they made the most delicious date slices. A perk of the job was to be able to take some home after work.
Now that was a good job.
'Too much, too young'
1992 - 1996 - I don't really remember how Elaine's ex-husband treated her during this time. We didn't talk about him much.
I do remember her saying that sometimes he'd ring her out of the blue and go on and on at her about her leaving him all those years before. He still hadn't come to terms with it.
He was a strange guy.
I do remember her saying that sometimes he'd ring her out of the blue and go on and on at her about her leaving him all those years before. He still hadn't come to terms with it.
He was a strange guy.
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - very near to Mullion Cove is a craft/shop area with a cafe and an art gallery and various other bits and pieces.
Also there is a fabulous chocolate shop called 'Trenance Chocolates'. There is a place you can buy the chocolates and a place where you can watch them being made. They really are delicious, especially the fondants. I love their fondants.
Trenance supply a few shops throughout Cornwall but to buy from the full range visit their chocolate shop.
You won't regret it.
Also there is a fabulous chocolate shop called 'Trenance Chocolates'. There is a place you can buy the chocolates and a place where you can watch them being made. They really are delicious, especially the fondants. I love their fondants.
Trenance supply a few shops throughout Cornwall but to buy from the full range visit their chocolate shop.
You won't regret it.
'Too much, too young'
1992-1996 - so Elaine had good patches and bad patches.
It was a hot summer and my boyfriend and I had lots of barbecues. Sometimes it was so mild you could still be sitting out in the garden at midnight without a jacket.
We invited Elaine and Paul over for one of our barbecues on a hot summer night. She was having a good patch, the chemotherapy was doing its job, if she hadn't been wearing a headscarf on a hot summer night you'd never have known she was ill.
We talked into the early hours.
It was a lovely night.
It was a hot summer and my boyfriend and I had lots of barbecues. Sometimes it was so mild you could still be sitting out in the garden at midnight without a jacket.
We invited Elaine and Paul over for one of our barbecues on a hot summer night. She was having a good patch, the chemotherapy was doing its job, if she hadn't been wearing a headscarf on a hot summer night you'd never have known she was ill.
We talked into the early hours.
It was a lovely night.
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - Mullion Cove is beautiful but the harbour can be treacherous.
I remember reading that soon after the harbour was built, many years ago, it was realized that it was a very dangerous place. It was not a harbour within which to seek a safe haven.
It is still dangerous, a couple were killed there recently, maybe only last year. The sea swept them off one of the harbour arms and into the sea. The people who rushed to help could not save them.
So don't go too near.
I remember reading that soon after the harbour was built, many years ago, it was realized that it was a very dangerous place. It was not a harbour within which to seek a safe haven.
It is still dangerous, a couple were killed there recently, maybe only last year. The sea swept them off one of the harbour arms and into the sea. The people who rushed to help could not save them.
So don't go too near.
'Too much, too young'
1992 - 1996 - so the years passed with Elaine fighting her cancer and continuing to make some sort of connection with her eldest son.
I saw her more when I moved back to North London. She was working in an office in London when her cancer was diagnosed. She liked her job and had a good social life with her friends. But as she had to take more and more time off for the chemotherapy her employer decided to 'let her go'. She was upset about it but she told me she could understand their point of view.
But she wanted to keep busy so she got a part-time job at a newsagents in her local town. She enjoyed it especially chatting to the customers.
She also got involved in a charity for disabled people and she helped to organize holidays for them.
She kept herself busy. Unfortunately the tumour was busy too.
I saw her more when I moved back to North London. She was working in an office in London when her cancer was diagnosed. She liked her job and had a good social life with her friends. But as she had to take more and more time off for the chemotherapy her employer decided to 'let her go'. She was upset about it but she told me she could understand their point of view.
But she wanted to keep busy so she got a part-time job at a newsagents in her local town. She enjoyed it especially chatting to the customers.
She also got involved in a charity for disabled people and she helped to organize holidays for them.
She kept herself busy. Unfortunately the tumour was busy too.
Monday, 21 January 2008
Blog Digression
Cornwall Travelog - this blog is widening, going beyond the very west to the slightly less west but Cornwall nonetheless.
Mullion Cove is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Take the road down the Lizard and you will find it. Drive on up the hill and park in the spaces on the cliff in front of the hotel. Then get out of your car and walk to the edge and look at the harbour below.
It will knock your socks off.
Mullion Cove is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Take the road down the Lizard and you will find it. Drive on up the hill and park in the spaces on the cliff in front of the hotel. Then get out of your car and walk to the edge and look at the harbour below.
It will knock your socks off.
'Too much, too young'
1992 - in November 1992 Elaine helped to organize a school-reunion. It was before the days of the internet and 'friends reunited' so it took quite a bit of organizing. But they managed it and a large group of 30-31 year olds filled up the top floor of our old school to drink and chat.
Elaine's hair had fallen out from the chemotherapy so she was wearing a colourful head-scarf. So even those who didn't know she had cancer worked it out pretty quickly.
She was friendly and full of life, as she always seemed to be. It was a good evening. I enjoyed myself as I chatted about my life and I listened to the myriad experiences of my old friends. One of them was now an officer in the army. He was very down to earth, "she's a goner" he said to me as he nodded towards Elaine. I told him not to be so cruel.
But I knew he might be right.
Elaine's hair had fallen out from the chemotherapy so she was wearing a colourful head-scarf. So even those who didn't know she had cancer worked it out pretty quickly.
She was friendly and full of life, as she always seemed to be. It was a good evening. I enjoyed myself as I chatted about my life and I listened to the myriad experiences of my old friends. One of them was now an officer in the army. He was very down to earth, "she's a goner" he said to me as he nodded towards Elaine. I told him not to be so cruel.
But I knew he might be right.
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